The Daily dNo

Bar Band

Trotta and I are starting a bar band with our good friend and photographer James Yarusinsky on drums. This is a list of possible songs we’ll be doing.

Beastie Boys- Fight for Your Right
Come Together- the Beatles
Get Back- the Beatles
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds- the Beatles
Dammit- Blink-182
What’s My Age Again?- Blink-182
All the Small Things- Blink-182
The Rock Show- Blink-182
No Woman No Cry- Bob Marley
Three Little Birds- Bob Marley
London Calling- The Clash
Break on Through (To the Other Side)- the Doors
Light My Fire- the Doors
Riders on the Storm- the Doors
Love Her Madly- the Doors
Monkey Wrench- Foo Fighters
My Hero- Foo Fighters
Everlong- Foo Fighters
Learn to Fly- Foo Fighters
Absolutely (Story of a Girl)- Nine Days
Semi Charmed Life- Third Eye Blind
Roll to Me- Del Amitri
American Idiot- Green Day
Holiday- Green Day
Boulevard of Broken Dreams- Green Day
Wake Me Up When September Ends- Green Day
Longview- Green Day
Welcome to Paradise- Green Day
Basket Case- Green Day
When I Come Around- Green Day
Brain Stew- Green Day
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)- Green Day
21 Guns- Green Day
Flagpole Sitta- Harvey Danger
The Remedy- Jason Mraz
I’m Yours- Jason Mraz
Dazed and Confused- Led Zeppelin
Immigrant Song- Led Zeppelin
Enter Sandman- Metallica
Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana
In Bloom- Nirvana
Come as You Are- Nirvana
Lithium- Nirvana
Hey Ya- Outkast
Lump- the Presidents of the United States of America
Peaches- the Presidents of the United States of America
Time Bomb- Rancid
Under the Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Suck My Kiss- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Dani California- Red Hot Chili Peppers
(What A) Wonderful World- Sam Cooke
Anarchy in the U.K.- the Sex Pistols
Blitzkrieg Bop- the Ramones
I Wanna Be Sedated- the Ramones
Wrong Way- Sublime
Scarlet Begonias- Sublime/Greatful Dead
What I Got- Sublime
Santeria- Sublime
Smoke Two Joints- Sublime
Date Rape- Sublime
Fat Lip- Sum 41
Buddy Holly- Weezer
Holiday- Weezer
Undone (the Sweater Song)- Weezer
Say It Ain’t So- Weezer
Hash Pipe- Weezer
Beverly Hills- Weezer
(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To- Weezer
Pork and Beans- Weezer
Seven Nation Army- the White Stripes
Won’t Be Fooled Again- the Who

We have a lot to work with and a lot more to think of. And a lot of lyrics to learn.

An Open Letter to the Owners of Viacom and Comedy Central

To Those In Charge of Comedy Central Programming,

Fuck you. Why is it that you continue and continue to insult our collective intelligence and sense of humor with your inane and whole-heartedly unfunny plethora of new “shows”? I refer to, of course, your latest attempt at poisoning the minds of 12-16 year old males – the all too cleverly titled “Secret Girlfriend”. This steaming pile of shit is the final straw however, as these feelings of hatred toward you have been brewing as “shows” like “Straight Plan For The Gay Man”, “Primetime Glick”, “The Naked Trucker and T-Bone Show”, “Lil’ Bush”, “Kid Notorious”, “I’m With Busey”, “Freak Show”, “Drawn Together”, “Con”, “Chocolate News”, “American Bodyshop”, and the biggest slap in the face to America of all, “Mind of Mencia”, whose four seasons on air we truly thought had signaled the apocalypse itself until it was mercifully cancelled in 2008. We would like to meet the man who made the decision to cancel Mencia and shake his hand, but then punch him in the face for waiting four years to do so.
While watching the pilot episode of “Secret Girlfriend”, we can’t help but be amazed at your unabashedly obvious attempt to pathetically appeal to the “hip” masses. It’s actually impressive how terrible this show is. We honestly couldn’t turn it off, just to see how fucking tragic it could get. There is literally not ONE original thought in “Secret Girlfriend”. The structure is NOT clever. It just makes for even worse acting than these half-retarded “hotties” have the capability of flailing at in the first place. As 18-year-old gentlemen who live typical good lives and associate with women, we couldn’t be more aware of your enormous swing-and-a-miss in trying to convey the way “hot” girls act. And of course, the actual love interest in this show is “cool”, liking all the things that ALL guys like, right? FOOTBALL, KICKBALL, BEER. OH MY GOD. THIS IS MY LIFE, AND THIS IS A GIRL THAT REALLY EXISTS. And don’t even start with the ex-girlfriend character. Fuck you for that. Fuck you. At this point, I feel the need to say “fuck you” again. Fuck you. These lead actors pathetically try to duplicate what real comedic actors in recent years have mastered. Someone needs to tell the fat guy that he is, and never will be, Jonah Hill. Every single “zing” attempt left us literally kicking our television in anger. Terrible writing, horrendous acting, absurd structure and directing, and a brainless plot all guarantee (judging by Comedy Central’s recent history of programming) that this show will get multiple seasons of catastrophic failure.
This just in: YOU’RE COMEDY FUCKING CENTRAL! If programming like this continues, you should be legally obliged to drop the first word from your network’s name, in favor of something like “Suicide”, because that’s what we wanted to do after we saw “Secret Girlfriend”. Which is ironic, because we wish that show would have stayed a fucking secret. Do you know who your audience is? You don’t need to permeate your shows with shameless, almost always non-sensical and devastatingly mundane sexual innuendos to bring in viewers.With this program, you have stooped lower than MTV. Hard to believe, we know, but fucking dreadfully true. I don’t know what focus group told you that the same people who watch the Colbert Report were complaining about a lack of tits and ass on Comedy Central, but that was a fucking terrible innacuracy. Yet shows like this and the work of Satan himself, “Mind of Mencia”, keep popping up, while brilliant and truly funny shows like “Stella” have fallen out of your favor after one season of only ten episodes. Those ten episodes of “Stella” were some of the funniest and most original offerings from a television show we’ve ever seen, the mere fact this slice of heaven aired on your sorry excuse for a network is both sad and for viewers like us, and the American public in general. I hope you’re planning on renewing “Michael and Michael Have Issues”, which you only gave seven episodes, because if you continue to invite in talented comedians and then kick them to the curb without giving them a chance to take off, you will cease to be able to book viable talent at all, and the clearly comedically-incompetent, no-talent cast of “Secret Girlfriend” will be the only employees circulating your hellish offices. Them, and Gary Busey. We’re sure you’ll always be able to get Busey.
In closing, we urge the esteemed men and women at Viacom to immediately fire everyone involved in Comedy Central’s original programming, and hire us. Or at least hire a group of retarded four-year olds, because even they would have known it was a waste of money to develop “Secret Girlfriend”, and that it would have been a good idea to give “Stella” a second season.
Thank you for your time, assuming you know how to read and you made it this far. And once again, fuck you.

All the best,

Jesse Savin and Andrew Paladino

P.S.- Fuck you.